There is definitely something afoot that feels a bit different from where I have been for quite awhile. Perhaps it is all of the signs of Spring swirling around me. The blossom buds on the trees, the baby ducks following their mother around the pond, the new shoots that are springing up from my flower bed. Each of these natural signs is whispering … “grow, grow, grow… now is the time for taking action…” Yet I continue to struggle with discerning the voice between fear and intuition when it comes to taking ANY action vs. public action. Because I know part of my bigger purpose/passion as to why I am here, in this life, is to make an important impact with serving others, I am always feeling the pressure to be seen and to “go public” in order to be making an “impact”.
For so long, that “need” to be seen was driven fear that was looking for recognition, approval, and validation outside myself. So the very act of “being out there” was an act of fear in order to convince myself of my worth. (And the slippery part was that I received lots of accolades and validation.) So now, since spending the last year on my own – mostly not visible to others beside my family in order to focus on my BEing and to really lean into the truth that not only do I have worth simply from who I am BEING – but when my primary focus starts with my BEING then my deepest gifts can really rise to the surface. It is through the outer DOingness of the past that I continued to keep my most potent gifts buried out of fear of being rejected/judged.
Even now as I write this, I can see that there are kernels of truth and experience of a journey traveled that could be of value/support to another – yet the idea of needing to write for an audience immediately has me start to censor myself. And start to take inventory as to what I have said – how I have said it – how to package it in order to “get it consumed” by others.
Another parallel aspect of this current theme of cultivating self-trust is… waiting for the resonant YES! For a long time I did everything I could to avoid getting still/quiet enough where I could even hear my inner voice, let alone trust it. And over the last year, I have made strides in getting still and befriending the silence… this has been huge because I am now able to hear /feel so many more messages from within – versus merely being bombarded with constant messaging from outside of myself. Yet I am now at the stage where I get to shift my focus from not just hearing the messages, but trusting the information that is coming through. And one of the messages that has been coming through is that it is still not time yet for me to be focusing my energies on formal public endeavors. Now is still the time of building my foundation. This voice assures me that this is very much an act of DOing – for every day that I continue to DO – my BEingness activities I am building the essential prerequisite muscles that are needed in order to eventually carry the powerful message that I have inside me out into the world.
Mine is a message of a new kind of strength and power – a strength and power that is germinated from within in a New Way. A new feminine strength and power that lies at the heart of everything that is being created in my life right now. And without this rock solid inner foundation, the road I am to travel and the message I am to carry will feel too great/challenging/scary. This is a path for a true graceful warrior who has fought the inner battles and made peace with her perceived inner enemies of the past. This is the time to be DOing the inner work of integrating my Shadow and my Higher Self – in order to BE the BEing that I am here to be. So that I may operate in the world as a Resonator with ease rather than struggle.
What is the message that your inner voice of intuition has been prompting you to trust more?
(I share this with you as an act of sharing my writing voice more publicly, yet I have not re-edited the original draft that was written as a personal journal entry.)